CBP Best Pub (Pt. 2)

Ok first of all, apologies for the delay in posting this final update, but I’ve been a bit busy of late and have also experienced one or two technical difficulties. Sometimes the interweb just doesn’t work properly, I find. Anyhow, everything seems to be in order now, so on we go…
  ...but before I get to the final liszt (enters Ronnie Corbett ‘monologue’ mode)… I was only speaking to the producer the other day… and he suggested it would be a good idea, if prior to announcing the top 5 pubs, I listed the best, ie. the funniest postings. Who am I to argue, I thought. So here they are…

  …voted for by a random selection of people in the street who’s cats prefer Whiskas and who can’t believe margarine isn’t butter… and not by me, I hasten to add… I think they’re all rubbish, [Enough Corbett] here is…

  …the best of the CBP: 

• The Piper (No. 9)
• Carriages Café Bar (No. 27)
• Bar 69 (No. 35)
• Off the Wall (No. 54)
• The Brewery Arms (No. 57)
• The City Arms (No. 58)
• The Anchor (No. 59)
• Revolution (No. 79)
• The Chester Bells (No. 92)
• The Falcon (No. 93)
• The Shropshire Arms (No. 97)
• Rheum (No. 101)
• The Waikiki Bar (No. 103)
• Watergates (No. 106)
• The Living Room (No. 109)
• Missoulla (No. 110)
• The Rectory (No. 111) 

Tres drole, I’m sure you’ll agree, but now to the main event. In reverse order, from five down to one, here are the CBP top five pubs:

5. The Royal Oak (No. 20)

It’s a rare event these days to find a traditional pub that’s still in its original state with all the small rooms and snugs intact. It’s even rarer to find such a place which is also a healthy thriving business, but that’s exactly what we have here. And it’s not hard to see why. Despite being tied to a brewery, a wide selection of real ales is always on offer and the landlord and landlady are usually behind the bar themselves, ensuring the atmosphere is both friendly and lively, due to the happy way they go about their work and their clear enthusiasm for the job. Add to the mix the fact that there’s bagatelle - the Chester game, and a really nice outdoor covered seating area - and what you end up with is a superb community boozer that’s always busy. It’s a great local pub.

4. The Old Harkers Arms (No. 36)

What Brunning & Price tried to do with a derelict old canalside warehouse a number of years ago was to create a ‘city of London’ pub in the heart of Chester. What they’ve actually created is better than that – primarily because it’s not full of bankers ! Unless of course you count crumply-suited provincial mortgage consultants and pensions advisors, who along with estate agents, solicitors and various other ‘professional’ types seem to have made this place their second home. This is Chester’s busiest pub for a reason though. It’s very well run, the wide range of real ales is always in excellent condition and the atmosphere is usually lively. It can even be full on a Monday or Tuesday night. Downsides are the ‘aloof’ disposition of some of the staff, the draconian policy on closing (you’re often forced out of the door by 11:30 !) and the high prices. Still a fantastic boozer though. 

3. The Carlton Tavern (No. 5)

Quite simply, this is Chester’s best community pub – a street corner boozer that’s been brought into the 21^st century by a dynamic, hard working landlord who’s been given the freedom to develop the business by a brewery (Hyde’s of Manchester) which is perhaps a little more forward thinking than most. It’s a pub that’s popular with the locals but good enough to draw customers from a much wider area as well. This is particularly the case when one their famous twice-yearly beer festivals is being held. Excellent real ales from Hyde’s (naturally) and other Manchester brewers such as Marble and Allgate’s are usually available, as are beers from ‘Chester Ales’ – a Saltney based micro-brewer in which the Carlton has an interest. Across the river and up the hill – it’s well worth the short walk from the town centre, people. 

2. The Cellar (No. 45)

We’re now in the realms of pub perfection and we had a very difficult job separating these last two. I was trying to find a word that best describes the Cellar – and I think the word is modern. This place represents evolution – maybe it’s even the forerunner of the next generation of Chester pubs. Whether or not the craft beer revolution will ever completely eclipse the traditional brewers is open for debate, but the Cellar certainly has more in common with a Brewdog bar for instance than the ‘Olde Dog & Duck’,* for here you will find beer heaven. On one side of the bar, there are three constantly changing cask ales, usually from local micro-brewers, which are always in perfect condition. These are complimented by an array of keg fonts across the rest of the bar carrying a wide range of imported German and Belgian beers, from black lagers and wheat beers to strawberry lambics** and unusual ciders. In addition, the fridges are well stocked with more Belgian beers and some quite frankly ‘wacky’ offerings from the rest of the world and beyond. Add to the equation, some high quality live music and late opening at the weekends and what you get is the perfect city centre pub. This is the future. Others will follow their lead.

  * this place doesn’t exist – it’s a cipher – a stereotypical ‘traditional English pub’ reference point. Don’t look for it in the list. It’s not there !

** I’m making this up.

1. The Pied Bull (No. 86) & (Beer Festival)

And finally ! If Harkers (No. 36) is a ‘City of London’ pub in the heart of Chester, then the Pied Bull is a ‘City of Chester’ pub in the heart of Chester ! If that makes any sense. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it epitomises Chester – ancient architecture within the famous city walls, staffed by friendly local people and it epitomises a modern English pub – focus very much on the traditional pint rather than, ahem ‘poncey’ beers, but with the net cast wider than the traditional brewers. The place was wrestled from the grip of the appalling PubCo, Punch Taverns a few years ago and the business has steadily been developed since then by focusing on providing quality real ales. This philosophy even extends to brewing beer on the premises. A small micro-brewery is in operation in the cellar, producing a range of ‘Pied Bull’ brews, one or more of which is usually available at the bar – and they’re not afraid to experiment either. For example, I think their ‘Raging Bull’ is the hoppiest ale I’ve ever drunk ! Apart from the micro-brewery, the other thing the Pied Bull is famous for is organising it’s own twice yearly beer festival at which there is usually a ‘meet the brewer’ event. These are not to be missed for any Chester based real ale fan – and for anyone who isn’t, attending one of these events is likely to convert you. The Pied Bull is still a work in progress – it could do with a refurbishment for instance, but we sort of like the rough edges to be honest. The fact that they brew their own beer is what swung the decision in the great Cellar vs. Pied Bull debate. Best of luck to them anyhow. Long may they continue to serve fantastic ale and long may they continue to brew. 

Right then, that’s it. It’s been a lot of fun. I hope we’ve provided a few laughs – that’s been the main objective of chronicling this odyssey to be honest. I hope nobody feels offended in any way at the comments made – that certainly wasn’t our intention, although neither was it our intention to offer a flaccid uninteresting story. Maybe we’ve been a bit controversial at times, but we just walk into pubs on a Thursday night and ‘say it how it is’ ! I hope we’ve managed to stimulate some interest in the pubs of the great city of Chesterville anyhow – viewing figures for this site would indicate that we’ve been successful in that respect and hopefully that’s to the benefit of the Chester pub and beer drinking community in general.

We’ve been the Chester Beer Project and my name’s Tarquel. Thank you and goodnight.

CBP Best Pub (Pt. 1)

Blimey, it’s all gone a bit serious hasn’t it ? Gone are the days when I used to type any old rubbish on here, safe in the knowledge that hardly anyone would read it. It’s clear from the number and frequency of page views we’re getting that we now have a significant erm, ‘following’. The pressure, particularly over these next two blogposts is most definitely on then !

Before we get to the CBP ‘hit parade’, which this week will feature the top pubs of Chester from ten down to six, I’d first of all like to list the ‘honourable mentions’. These are pubs we consider to be outstanding in many respects, but haven’t quite made it to the top ten. It’s also worth mentioning at this point that pubs we visited ‘on tour’ during 2011 such as the superb ‘Wheatsheaf’ in Raby (tour 2) and the even better ‘Gallaghers Pub & Barbers’ in Birkenhead (tour 3) don’t qualify because they’re outside the city.

CBP Best Pub ‘honourable mentions’ 

• The Red Lion, Handbridge (No. 8)
• The Spital Vaults (No. 12)
• The Rake & Pikel (No. 13)
• The Cherry Orchard (No. 15)
• The Gardeners Arms (No. 16)
• The Lodge (No. 22)
• The Talbot (No. 30)
• The Mount (No. 32)
• The Little Oak (No. 33) & (Beer Festival)
• The Union Vaults (No. 37)
• The Cross Keys (No. 40)
• Oddfellows (No. 43)
• The Mill Hotel (No. 48)
• The Marlbororough Arms (No. 56)
• The Custom House (No. 65)
• Kash (No. 66)
• The Red Lion, Northgate St. (No. 85)
• The Golden Eagle (No. 91) & (slight return)
• The Coach House (No. 98)
• Bar Lounge (No. 102)
• Artichoke (No. 112)
• The Albion (No. 118)
• The Commercial Hotel (No. 119) 

There’d be a strong argument for putting any of these into the top ten, so it gives some idea of how difficult our task was. It also means there are well over thirty excellent pubs in the city – and for a place the size of Chester, that would appear to be a lot. Anyhow, without further ado, here comes the first part of the CBP list of Chester’s best pubs:

10. The Brewery Tap (No. 42)

If the Amber Lounge (No. 107) & (CBP Worst Pubs) needs any clues as to how the fantastic architecture of Chester’s famous medieval rows can be incorporated into a modern pub, they need look no further than this place. Set inside a sympathetically restored Jacobean great hall, the pub interior is stunning. Ok, ‘Spitting Feathers’ ales might not be to everyone’s taste, but there are always plenty of other great beers on offer, with Welsh microbrewers being particularly well represented. Can get a bit ‘beardy’ at times. Still a great boozer though. 

9. The Ship Victory (No. 100)

This excellent boozer stands alone, surrounded by car parks, the original buildings around it having been demolished a long time ago. It’s like a plug of hard volcanic rock that’s resisted glacial erosion. And the metaphor can be extended to cover the character of the pub itself, because this place is wholeheartedly ‘old school’. You will not find ‘Horseradish Stout’, ‘Walloonian Wheat Beer’ or ‘Blue Lager’ being served here. What you will find is an excellent pint of Tetley Bitter (CBP Best Ale Pt. 2), friendly staff, good conversation and a great atmosphere. They don’t make them like this anymore.

8. Telford’s Warehouse (No. 52)

Another great pub set inside a beautifully restored building, with food, live music and drinking all in separate areas within a single intricate space. The design of the interior is superb – as is the ale and service. Also, it attracts a wide cross-section of society – students, urban sophisticados, metrosexualists, grizzled misanthropes and real ale blerts* will all feel at home here and apart from when the odd rubbish band is on, it’s always a cool and vibrant place.

7. The Olde Cottage Inn (No. 25)

The reason this place has been transformed from a good pub to a great pub in recent years is the commitment of the team that’s running it - landlord and landlady, Trevor and Jean are proud of what they’ve achieved here – and they’ve got every right to be. They are bucking the trend – this is a community pub that’s always busy - and it’s not hard to see why. Most importantly, three real ales are always on and are always in good nick. Also, there are two (yes two) dartboards and in addition to the pool table, a bagatelle table has recently been retrieved from the midlands. Bagatelle is ‘the Chester game’ and it’s great. If you’ve not played it, try it. In fact try it here ! Don’t want to sound too poncey, but this is the quintessential local.

6. The Bear & Billet (No. 39)

The medieval frontage of this boozer is one of the iconic images of Chester and fortunately, after many years of neglect, what now lies behind it is worthy of its status. It’s probably the pub you would recommend to a tourist if asked – and most people would be impressed with it I guess. It’s a stunning building, the quality of the ale is first class and as a consequence, it’s always busy. I love drinking in here. It makes me laugh when I think about what it used to be like in ‘the bad old days’ though. Mind you, I loved drinking in it then as well !

* © Pete ‘the Mighty Wah !’ Wylie 

So that’s it – just one more liszt to go then. Stay tuned next week people for the top 5…

…the FINAL blogpost of the CBP (maybe)

CBP Worst Pub

Considering the fact that pubs are in decline across the nation and have been disappearing at an alarming rate for a number of years, Chester hasn’t been too badly hit. The pub scene remains relatively healthy and in some ways eg. the wider availability of quality ales, is in better shape than it once was. We’re fortunate to have a high number of excellent boozers in the city then, but nevertheless, at the other end of the spectrum there are a few absolute duffers ! These are listed below, starting with the pub fifth from bottom and finishing with Chester’s worst pub:

* dons tin hat *   

5. The Twirl of Hay (No. 14)

If remoteness, terrible keg ale, total lack of atmosphere, poor service and the smell of stale food is your thing, then this boozer is for you. It would be worth taking the trip out to the edge of town. There’s not a lot else for me to say to be honest. This is an arse-achingly uninteresting pub.

4. The Flookersbrook (No. 24)

Hoole has become one of the more affluent parts of the city and this big pub should have been able to capitalise on that. The huge success of ‘the Lodge’ (No. 22) just along the road, proves that there was a demand for a smart modern boozer in the vicinity, serving quality beverages. However, this place is none of those things and I doubt it ever will be. The ale is vile and the interior is cavernous and characterless. Can’t think of a single reason why anyone would want to drink in here, unless of course they’d been barred from everywhere else.

3. The Amber Lounge (No. 107)

This place is completely devoid of character, which is quite an astonishing thing to say about a building that dates from at least the 16^th century. Nevertheless, it’s true. So while the ambience or whatever isn’t exactly offensive in any way, the really depressing thing is the wasted potential and the contempt with which the building’s provenance has been treated. An interior design ponce has obviously been let loose in here some time in the mid 90s and armed with a ‘minimalist sensibility’ and a few cans of white paint has vandalised the magnificent Elizabethan structures and fittings. Hopefully, someone with half a brain will restore it all at some point – and will get some decent ale in an’ all. 

2. The Dee Miller (No. 71)

Everyone sympathises with a landlord struggling to make a living under the oppressive regime of a typical PubCo in an alehouse starved of investment. Nevertheless, community boozers MUST serve cask ale (and keep it in good condition) or they might as well not bother – it’s the only product pubs can provide that supermarkets cannot. Cask wasn’t on offer when we visited this desperately run down housing estate pub, nor was any form of courtesy or even a conversation ! Sympathy can only extend so far I’m afraid. This place is doomed to failure unless there are big changes in the way it’s run.  

1. The Amphitheatre Bar (No. 76)

Easy choice. A confluence of bad service, bad attitude, bad atmosphere and bad ale made this place the worst boozer we visited in 2011 by a long way. Oh, and the puke dripping from the ceiling was also a factor. What else would you expect though, from an establishment with a cynical business plan based entirely on selling strong liquor to kids ? Reality bites.

OK, stay tuned next week folks for the one they’ve all been waiting for. It’s the CBP top ten pubs of Chester – might need to do it in two parts though pop-pickers, so next week will be ten down to five, with the top five following on in two weeks time !

Name check

The Chester Beer Project is proud to be associated with Gallagher's Pub & Barbers (CBP on tour No. 3) of Birkenhead. The ad they've put in the latest 'Merseyale' publication, featuring a quote from this blog looks flippin' ace I reckon...

Click here (Merseyale) and scroll down to page 20

[They'll not get in the list of top pubs mind, because they're outside Chester. Them's the roolz]

CBP Best Ale (Pt. 2)

Back in the 1980s when I first started drinking in Chester, real ale was available again in most decent boozers after being almost wiped out through industrialisation in the previous decade. The choice however was very limited. A pint of real ale usually meant Greenall’s bitter or Greenall’s original (a strong bitter). There was very little else. In contrast, the variety of quality real ale and craft beers available in the city today is vast and if the pub trade in general is in decline, the micro-brewery sector and those boozers free of tie that can access their products certainly are not. New ingredients, new beer styles and a lot of imaginative, driven people willing to embrace new ideas have reinvigorated the industry. Real ale is great. Real ale has even become sexy.

Last week I listed what we considered to be the best strong ales we’d encountered during 2011, but what follows is where we’re really at. Beer ponces stand aside. Here comes the list of the best British quaffing ales - mainly traditional bitters or modern variants thereof – that we drank in Chester last year.

Quaffers (abv 4.2% and below)

Before we get to the top five, the following excellent ales are all worthy of an honourable mention:

• Timothy Taylor’s Golden Best - Olde Cottage (No. 25) & others
• Weetwood Cheshire Cat - Red Lion, Handbridge (No. 8) & others
• Allgate California - Carlton Tavern (No. 5)
• Joules Pale Ale - Cross Keys (No. 40)
• Everard’s Tiger - Union Vaults (No. 37)
• Thwaite’s Wainwright - Coach House (No. 98)
• Pied Eyed - Pied Bull (No. 86)

And now, beginning with the fifth placed ale and finishing with the winner, here are the best quaffing ales of the CBP:

5. Tetley Bitter (3.7%) – The Ship Victory (No. 100)

I’m not sure about the history here, but back in days of yore, the Tetley bitter found in and around Chester was a distinctly different and considerably inferior product to that found in Yorkshire pubs. This is because it was brewed in Warrington (Walkers ?) and not the famous brewery in Leeds, which made the good stuff and which now has sadly been closed. Lord knows where they brew it now, or indeed who brews it. However, the quality is right up there with that of the original Yorkshire ale – or at least it is in this fine ‘old school’ boozer, where it’s kept and served superbly. No ‘bells and whistles’ here – just a good old traditional pint. 

4. Higson’s Best Bitter (4.1%) – The Cellar Bar (No. 45)

Higson’s, the fondly remembered Liverpool brewery disappeared in the early 1980s when it became part of the Whitbread group. The brewery was closed, but then went full circle after it was bought by independent owners and re-opened under the Cain’s brand – Cain’s being the original name of the brewery in the early part of the 20^th century before it was bought by Higson’s. The beers were lost though – that was until recently when the Liverpool Organic microbrewery decided to resurrect Higson’s Best Bitter. And they’ve done a fine job with it – possibly better than the original in fact ! It’s yesterday’s future nostalgia today – and a darn tootin’ session ale.

3. Marble Manchester Bitter (4.2%) – The Carlton Tavern (No. 5)

This is supposedly a clone of the original Strangeways Boddington’s bitter, which died with the demolition of the brewery – forget the mass marketed keg shite. Apart from the pale colour though, it doesn’t seem to bear much of a resemblance. It’s stronger and far erm, hoppier – not sure that’s actually a word to be honest. What I’m trying to say is that it’s better. This is a beautiful ale – bitter, citrus and dry. Lovely aroma as well. It’s an uber-quaffer of taste and distinction. And it’s not just a guest at the Carlton – it’s on permanently. Worth going ‘sarf of the river’ just to try it people.

2. Stonehouse Sunlander (3.7%) – The Marlbororough Arms (No. 56) 

This one took us by surprise – picked it up on the last night of the CBP after we’d been to the final pub. We’d visited the Marlbororough earlier in the year, but this new ale was still in development at that point. It’s a very pale bitter, and this, coupled with the name suggested it might be a sort of light summer ale. Strange then that it was being launched mid-winter. The name ‘Sunlander’ though is a nod towards Australia, as the characteristic feature of this ale is that it’s loaded with Australian hops. This leads to an impressive level of tropical fruit flavour and hop aroma for such a light beer. It’s stonkingly pleasant.

1. Brimstage Trapper’s Hat (3.8%) – The Cellar Bar (No. 45)

I’ve always wondered whether or not the use of rhyming slang in naming this fantastic ale was deliberate or inadvertent. I suspect the latter to be honest. I’ve got an image of these genial old duffers sitting round a table at Brimstage HQ experiencing a ‘Eureka’ moment in their quest to find a suitably quirky name for their new ale. “I’ve got it chaps. How about the ‘Trapper’s Hat’ ?” “Oh yes, that’s perfect – encapsulates rural tradition with a dash of bumpkin charm” So, not a reference to a laydee-part then. Ahem, branding aside this really is an unassuming but quite spectacular light golden ale and were it not for the late showing of the Sunlander, would have won this contest by a ‘country mile’. It’s still our numero uno though – a light beer with the complexity and hop attack of a heavyweight IPA. A glory to behold. Total brewing perfection.

Next week the sparks will fly. Or maybe they won’t. It’s Chesterville's bottom 5 pubs !   

CBP Best Ale (Pt.1)

It’s important to note that what follows is our assessment of the best ales we encountered on the CBP and NOT the best ales generally available in Chester. By definition, as these lists only relate to a once a week event, there’s an element of randomness here. For that reason, fine micro-breweries such as Red Willow, Summer Wine and Sandstone aren’t represented – we simply never encountered their ales on a Thursday night.

It’s also important to note that we’re not beer ponces. Occasionally, we’ll savour a fine ale and might make the odd remark as to some nuance of flavour or triggered reminiscence, but by and large we drink in the British style. We believe ale is for quaffing and that high quality ale is the starting point for a good night out and not the ultimate objective.

Weak beer or ‘quaffing beer’ is our thing then, but we’ve also taken the odd strong ale along the way. So that’s where we’ll start – strong ales first (Pt. 1) , followed by the quaffers (Pt. 2) – and in both cases we’ll begin with the fifth best and finish with the top ale in each category.

Strong Ales (abv 4.3% and above)

5. Timothy Taylor’s Landlord Bitter (4.3%) – The Rake & Pikel (No. 13)

Ah, the old taste of cold tea. In days of yore, before the advent of exotic hops, summer ales and the IPA resurrection shuffle, this fine ale was always considered to be among the very best of what the English brewer could muster. Well it was if you lived oop north anyhow. Nowadays, it’s pretty much a national beer – and is often served in a condition that’s not worthy of it’s heritage and character. When it’s kept well and served properly though, it’s still a magnificent ale and although we had a nice pint in the Greyhound (No. 89), the Rake & Pikel provided the best example.

4. Titanic Nine Tenths Below (5.9%) – The Chester Beer Festival (here)

Perhaps beer ponces would disagree, but ironically, I don’t think a large scale beer festival where dispense is directly from the cask is the best place to sample ale. It’s often flat, sometimes cloudy and always too warm. After a few have been tried, they all begin to taste the same – such was the case at this event – until we sampled this fantastic brew. The massive whack of hops really set this ‘new generation’ IPA apart from the rest of the ales up until that point – and thereafter to be honest. It’s just a shame that we’ve not seen it since in a decent boozer served through a diffuser at the right temperature. No doubt we will before long though.

3. Moor Pacific IPA (6.0%) – The Red Lion, Northgate St. (No. 85)

What’s this ? An ale from ‘darn sarf’ !! Get out of town ! What was it doing ‘in these parts’ then ? Well it was on the Nicholson’s rota for their national IPA festival – and the Red Lion on Northgate St. being their sole representative in Chester is where we found it. Bit dark for an IPA I thought – maybe more of a strong golden ale. It’s gloriously complex though and several pints would be required to figure out all the nuances of flavour. I had a half – at 6.0 % and mid session, mid week, that was sufficient. Must re-visit this one and/or any other Moor ales at the earliest opportunity.

2. Marble Dobber (5.9%) – The Pied Bull Beer Festival (here)

Great name for a great ale – the ‘dobber’ was the biggest marble in any northern kid’s collection, right ? And ‘big’ flavour is what this fantastic IPA delivers – nice malt underlush but with approximately one English ton of hops per pint, incorporating massive citrusity with highly dominant grapefruit. Grapefruit is the daddy flavour in this hooligan assault on the palate in fact. Dry as well. Nice and dry. A wonderful ale – and on this occasion, served by it’s creators under proper pub conditions during a fantastic ‘meet the brewer’ night at the Pied Bull.

1. Thornbridge Jaipur (5.9%) – The Little Oak Beer Festival (here)

I’m afraid there was only ever going to be one winner in the strong ales section, for this is the perfect beer. A beer that cannot be surpassed. Hop flavour, hop aroma, sweet malt, spice, tropical fruit, long bitter finish and a lethal combination of high strength and drinkability. This is a beer that will seduce you and will kill you. It’s that good. My advice would be to steer clear of it completely.

That's all for now folks - stay tuned next week for CBP Best Ale Pt.2 - the Quaffers.

CBP Worst Ale

It will be obvious to readers of this blog that we like ale. Specifically, we like cask ale, provided of course that it’s kept properly and served at the correct temperature. Unfortunately however, many pubs still don't provide such a product and we had to drink a lot of really bad beverages during 2011 in order to complete our task. The following is a list of ales that were so poor that they even rank below Mexican bottled beer and ‘cocktails’ in our completely arbitrary rating system. So starting with the fifth worst and finishing with Chester’s worst ale, here are the bottom five ales of the CBP:

5. Tetley Keg Bitter – Off the Wall (No. 54)

A mid brown heavily carbonated fluid that was ice cold and served in a plastic glass. At least it didn’t taste offensive (it didn’t taste of anything) and that’s why it’s only fifth. At £1.50 a pint, it’s less than half the average price of ale in Chester – but still a rip off.

4. John Smith’s Keg Bitter – The Wheatsheaf (No. 90)

I guess most people who visit this place drink ‘Carling’ or ‘Fosters’ – actually, that’s not true. Most people who visit this place drink Coke or Fanta because they’re taken there by their parents. Anyhow, for whatever reason, the bitter must lie in the keg and the pipes for months, because it tasted almost stagnant - like a flat beer the morning after a party that you might drink as a ‘hair of the dog’ before realising someone’s stubbed a fag out in it.

3. Black Sheep Bitter – The Handbridge (No. 7)

When real ale goes off, it’s horrible - particularly when your starting point is Black Sheep Bitter, which even when it’s kept well is one of the dullest and most uninspiring beers available. We’d have asked for it to be replaced, but there was no alternative. Couldn’t wait to leave this place anyhow.

2. Tetley Keg Bitter – The Westminster Hotel (No. 115)

A reminder of the original tasting notes – “loose change, earwax and hamsters - as bizarre as it was repulsive”. Can’t add a lot to that to be honest. It makes me feel ill just thinking about it. Beer for Beelzebub.

1. Marston’s Keg Bitter – AbarMC at the Abode Chester (No. 61)

Original tasting notes – “utterly putrescent”. Ironically, one of the ponciest establishments in Chester provided the only beer in the entire city that we found to be undrinkable. Cap doffed to Mr. Caines then – that’s quite an achievement. Maybe he should stick to selling over-priced champers to idiots.

So there you have it – five Chester ales to avoid at all costs.

Stay tuned next week for the best ales of the CBP.

Brahms & Lizsts

Happy New Year folks and welcome back to the twilight world of the Chester Beer Project

As we now know more about the pubs of Chester than anyone else, we thought it appropriate that we should put together some sort of a ‘hit parade’ of both ales and pubs, covering the best and the worst of what’s on offer in the city. Therefore, over the next couple of weeks, the following will be appear on this site.

CBP worst ale

A list of the Bottom 5 most lamentable, offensive and/or downright rancid examples of the innkeepers art that we’ve had the misfortune to sample over the last year.

CBP best ale

A list of the Top 5 ales we’ve encountered, in each of two categories.

- Strong ale

- Quaffer

CBP worst pub

A list of the Bottom 5 pubs in Chester – in contrast to the Top 10, this will be easy to figure out. There’s a clear group of 5 boozers in the city that are absolutely dire with no redeeming features whatsoever.

CBP best pub

The eagerly awaited list of Chester’s Top 10 pubs – including the ‘CBP PUB OF THE YEAR’. We reckon there are between 20 and 30 excellent pubs in Chester, so the Top 10 will be very difficult to decide. We’ll probably have to append a number of ‘honourable mentions’ in addition to the ten that make it to the list in fact.

So there you have it.

Unfortunately, former Chesterville MP and woolly jumper wearing ‘bon viveur’, Gyles Brandreth isn’t available to present the CBP PUB OF THE YEAR award to the winning landlord as promised. We were then dealt a further blow when we heard that TV’s Oz Clarke, who we had hoped might ‘step into the breach’ fell victim to a shark attack whilst on holiday in SE Asia over Christmas and is now sadly deceased. On the plus side, we already had Chester’s most famous minor celebrity, Lucy Meacock lined up as a reserve, but it seems that even she is now beginning to waver.

We’re currently trying to contact Bob Carolgees.

Picture this...

15/12/11 - You see, we do exist. Looking like a cross between Rembrandt's 'Night Watch' and the cover of Bohemian Rhapsody, here's a picture of the CBP in the Marlbororough Arms on the final night. Creepy eh ?

Click on the image for a bigger version.

(Thanks to Trevor - the man behind the lens)

Post script - beyond the end...

15/12/11 – into the night. It’s all coming back to me now. Algy had heard that Oswestry microbrewer Stonehouse had a new ale out called Sunlander – a rare event as Stonehouse don’t churn out ales willy or indeed nilly like some brewers. In fact last time they brought an ale out was several years ago and as there’s only one pub in town that regularly serves Stonehouse beers, our next choice of venue was made easy. It was off down Eastgate st. to the Marlbororororough Arms (No. 56), previously visited back in early June. Although we left ‘the Vic’ in dribs and drabs, we all managed to get there – including Trevor and Jean, our new recruits. The Sunlander was fantastic and definitely enters the running for best beer of the CBP. We even had a group photo taken. I don’t have a copy and don’t even know who took it, but if it emerges, I’ll post it later. After ‘the Marlborororough’ some of our number had to get trains, so we headed towards the station. There was however just enough time for another swift one at, erm, Swifty’s or ‘the Cellar Bar’ (No. 45) to be precise. I can’t remember how many people we lost on the way. It was definitely er, some - but I can remember the ale when we got there. Most of us went for the frothingly retro Higson’s bitter – the famous olde scouse quaffing ale, now reincarnated under the Liverpool Organic label. Excellent it was too. One or two of the CBPers who are into nouvelle cuisine preferred the keg Köstritzer Schwarzbier though. Black lager. Indeed. I might suggest Mr. Mercer puts that on in ‘the Albion’ (No. 118) for ‘Christmas in the trenches’, his annual yuletide celebration which involves guests being bombarded by heavy artillery whilst wading round in waist deep freezing mud then contracting trenchfoot and frostbite. It’s not all gloom and doom though – far from it - they stop for a game of football and a singsong half way through the evening and eat tins of ‘bully beef’. Anyhow, back to ‘the Cellar bar’ and once again Swifty had an ace ‘turn’ on the bill. ‘The Spare Ribs’ are a sort of sister/brother nu-folk rock house punk type er combo or beat duo or summat. Anyhow they’re brilliant and put on a great show. The volume was perfect as well, as it was possible to enjoy the music and still have a conversation – albeit a very drunken conversation in our case. After a short while we had to split though. Some (like me) went home, some caught trains, some got lost and some went for an Indian (and more ale !). All in all it was a great night and a fitting end to the Chester Beer Project.

All that remains is for me to wish all of our followers a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year -  whoever you are ! We’ll be back in early January with some lists (I’ll explain) AND the eagerly awaited announcement of which boozer is to be awarded the coveted title of CBP PUB OF THE YEAR.

Please note that the landlord of the winning pub will be interviewed by former Chesterville MP and patron of the CBP, Gyles Brandreth on ‘the ONE show’.

Imagine that.

No. 120 The Victoria

Visited on 15/12/11. Entering ‘the Vic’ through the back door, you’re faced with a choice as the bar is in the middle of the pub with rooms to either side. When we walked in, to the right there were about twenty ‘middle-aged fatty’ once a year drinkers wearing Santa hats and bawling incomprehensible, unfunny shite at each other whilst choking on ‘Jaeger-bombs’. Reckon they were about half an hour from a minor kick-off followed by a stumbling sweaty and utterly repulsive group hug. Way-hey, its Christmas. Many of em’. You and yours etc. etc. Bah friggin’ humbug. We went to the left. This is a magnificent 13^th century building that’s got 21^st century PubCo stamped all over it. It really must be quite a difficult task to suck the history and grandeur out of such a place and replace it with formula tat. If nothing else, Punch Taverns or whoever are masters at pushing back the boundaries of crassness. The ale in here was alright though, to be fair – just Theakston’s best bitter but on fine form and under such circumstances, it’s actually a half decent quaffer. What wasn’t alright was the price – three English pounds and fifty English pence per imperial pint. Yes that’s right – three fifty for Theakston’s ! Didn’t stop us downing at least three rounds though ! Part way through the first, I was alerted to the fact that ‘a bloke’ was asking if anyone knew Tarquel. A cold icy fear gripped me when my gaze fell on ‘the bloke’ in question – a six foot four bearded biker type. I was slightly re-assured when I realised he wasn’t carrying an axe, but nevertheless thought this was pay-back time. I knew it was a mistake to publicise our itinerary beforehand ! Here was the hit man sent by the Amphitheatre bar (No. 76), the Dee Miller (No. 71), Watergates (No. 106) or any number of other tawdry establishments that have received less than favourable comments on this blog over the past ten months. Eventually we were face to face… “Alright mate, pleased to finally meet you”, came the greeting from the hit-man as he shook me firmly by the hand. Turns out it was none other than Trevor, aka Chunkamunka, landlord of the Olde Cottage (No. 25) and CBP aficionado. The power of the interweb eh ? Well it was great to meet Trevor and his missus Jean, who both joined the party for the rest of the night. So that was it then. We stumbled out of the front door of ‘the Vic’ and then down the steps to Chester Cross – the dead centre of town, with all one hundred and twenty of the City’s pubs behind us. The end. Game over. Finito...    It was only a quarter to ten though. And there was still plenty of drinking time left...

No. 119 The Commercial Hotel

Visited on 15/12/11. Built by one of Chester’s most famous architects, Thomas Harrison, in 1817 (he of the Grosvenor Bridge and other fine early 19^th century Chester buildings), ‘the Commercial’ is located in St. Peter’s churchyard right in the heart of Chesterville. What a magnificent building it is. And what a magnificent turnout there was to mark the occasion. All bar one of the CBP regulars (hardcore plus ‘casuals’) were out, plus a number of guests. So thanks to Algy’s mates and in particular Andy from C-BAS for coming along. It was nice of Luke from the Pied Bull (No. 86) to pop in and say hello as well. I remember this place back in the 80s being a largely unaltered, quirky old school boozer with a time-warp feel, full of old people drinking keg mild. Since then, it’s suffered at least one disastrous refurbishment followed by a failed re-launch. However, the current proprietors have now created a pub (with associated restaurant and hotel) that strikes the right balance between the old and the new. ‘Traditional trendy’ – it’s the new ‘shabby chic’, dontcha know ? Imagine Oddfellows (No. 43) on a smaller scale, without the excess and with added real ale – and even then, that’s nothing like this place. I don’t know why I wrote that to be honest. Anyhow, in terms of ale, it was a great start to the night – Everard’s Sleighbell, a light and thankfully quite dry Christmas beer. Twas excellent. So good we had a couple of rounds in fact. It was soon time to leave though, and after pausing briefly to admire the original stained glass window above the front door, we headed aross the courtyard to the FINAL pub of the Chester beer project...

This is the end...

As it turned out then, 'between 100 and 120' wasn’t a bad guess back in February when the Chester Beer Project was conceived, because we now know that the total number of pubs in Chester is exactly 120. That means there are just two more to visit – the Commercial hotel and the Victoria. We’ve left these until last because they’re the two pubs closest to the centre of town. So next Thursday (December 15^th), we’ll meet in the Commercial at 8:30 then move to the Vic around 9:15. After that, we’ll argue for a while about which is the best pub in Chester and once it’s been established, we’ll head there to finish the evening off. We might even have a photo call on Chester Cross. Yes indeed, it could get that exciting ! So if any regular readers of this blog would like to be able to say they took part in Chester’s biggest ever pub crawl, then please feel free to come along. Go on, you know you want to ! 

The Golden Eagle (slight return)

Visited on 1/12/11. This famous old Chester pub that people ‘of a certain age’ have very fond memories of, has been struggling of late. In fact when we visited back in September (No. 91), it was closed - and it looked terminal. However, it might now have been given a new lease of life, as Martin Ellis (formerly of Jones; now the Chester Hangman, the City bar; now the Cellar bar and the Commercial hotel; now erm, the Commercial hotel) has taken on the tenancy. Although Punch Taverns still own it and will be placing their usual moronic constraints on the business, Martin might just be the kind of chap with sufficient flair to re-invent the place. That’s precisely what’s needed and that’s precisely what he intends. Already the place looks different. Subtle changes have been made to the interior and exterior décor and it now has a ‘cool’ feel. Martin recalls the vibrancy of the place back in the ‘80s, describing how there might have been a gang of punks in one corner, rockers in another and solicitors holding court in the centre of the room. There was often an air of tension and more than the occasional ‘kick off’ then. Indeed. Those solicitors could be rum bastards at times ! So the new ‘Golden Eagle’ will be different, but will acknowledge its history. We saw some impressive artwork involving various Eagle motifs and icons including the Eagle comic and Ramones eagle being woven into more traditional Eagle representations. It was great stuff – attention grabbing and very cool. Real ale was also being served and although it was just Spitfire bitter, it was in good nick. No doubt the ale range will be expanded as the business is developed though. Hopefully this is a new beginning for this cherished boozer. And maybe the new customer base will include affluent adults who were once the rebellious kids of the 80s. Maybe one or two solicitors might even drift back an’ all !

No. 118 The Albion

Visited on 1/12/11. “ GO AWAY – WE DON’T WANT YOUR SORT IN HERE* ” proclaims the blackboard wedged into the doorway of this perfectly preserved Victorian street corner boozer. Indeed, according to its legendary 137-year-old landlord, Mike Mercer (he of the chalk and trademark misanthropy), the Albion is the only perfectly preserved street corner Victorian boozer remaining in Chesterville. Hmm… I think there might be one or two others to be honest. I guess it depends on how you define ‘perfectly preserved’. Without doubt the phrase definitely applies to ‘the Albion’ though and Mr. Mercer has gone to great lengths to maintain the pub’s original features. For example, the open fires are all still in operation and the rooms, including a snug are still pretty much as per the original building design. He’s also packed the place with early 20^th century relics, many related to the 1^st world war, including a number of original propaganda posters, ‘PUT THE HUN ON IRON RATIONS’, being my personal favourite. It’s a great place in which to entertain German colleagues I find – brings their famous sense of humour to the fore. Unsurprisingly this is a solid real ale pub with two constantly changing guest bitters always on the bar - on this occasion, Black Sheep bitter and Titanic Anchor. We gave the Black Sheep a swerve because the Titanic is an infinitely superior ale – and it was on very fine form indeed. Incidentally, the ‘guest lager’ according to more of Mr. Mercer’s blackboard invective was ‘GNAT’S PISS’ or some such (it was Carling – and it’s on permanently, although I doubt many people drink it). This is a fascinating boozer in many ways then, and maybe one that people should enjoy while they can because I can’t see it remaining in it’s current form once Mr. Mercer finally hangs up his boots (we’ve been saying this for years !). In addition to the various sleb chefs and other luminaries it definitely gets our seal of approval as well. I’ll not be surprised if the list of excluded groups is extended in the near future though: “ NO PUB CRAWLS, NO STAG NIGHTS, NO HEN NIGHTS, NO CHILDREN AND DEFINITELY… NO BLOGGERS “ You read it here first.

* OK, this is paraphrased, erm, ‘a bit’.

No. 117 The Plumber's Arms

Visited on 1/12/11. Tucked away behind the Grosvenor shopping precinct on Newgate Street, the ‘Plumbers’ has carved out a bit of a niche in recent years as a late night retreat for bar workers from other pubs who gravitate there after their shifts have finished. It stays open until 4 am and does most of it’s trade after midnight, so it came as no surprise to find the place completely empty when we turned up early in the evening. However, the complete lack of customers might be connected to the fact that there was a complete lack of ale also – unless you count Fosters. That and industrial cider was all they had on. No cask ale (despite the presence of four hand pumps), no keg ale, no Guinness, no poncey lager. Nowt. Just Foster’s and cider. Pathetic. It was with a heavy heart then and with much scowling and begrudgery, that we ordered up a round of ‘the amber nectar’ and prepared to reacquaint ourselves with it’s cold fizzy tastlessness.Then as soon as we’d paid for the drinks, the bar staff (all three of them) went outside for a fag. It’s a hard life. We were left on our own to chat to ‘disco boy’ who was setting up the sound system for the night’s entertainment. “It normally gets busy around nine”, he informed us. At that point it was about five to. A tumbleweed rolled past the door. We finished our drinks and followed it.

CBP on tour No. 3, Gallaghers Pub & Barbers

Visited on 24/11/11. Birkenhead is half an hour away from Chester by train. Or it should be. When the points don’t fail that is. That was how we found ourselves stranded in Rock Ferry – or some of us did at least. I can think of a lot worse places to be though. Like down in the streets. Or down in the sewer. Or maybe on the end of a skewer. Or maybe not. Even once we’d found the taxi that had been called in for us, covering the remaining distance to Hamilton square wasn’t straightforward. This was due to the fact that the Albanian driver had never heard of the place (true story). Nor did he know how to operate a satnav – or a car. Maybe it’s the law that you have to stop at green lights in Tirana, I dunno. It was more by luck than good judgement then, that we finally arrived at ‘Gallagher’s’ to be greeted by howls of derision from our Wirral-based CBPer who’d travelled independently of the ‘soul train’ and was already into the Wobbly Bob. We were an hour late. Frankie who runs this place with his missus is an ex guardsman and barber by profession. During the day he cuts hair and provides ‘hot towel’ cutthroat razor shaves in the traditional barbershop, which is situated in the middle of the pub. Ale is served throughout, but at 5:30 pm the barbershop is closed and roped off. Frankie then switches to full-time landlord mode for the evenings. The superb Brimstage Trapper’s Hat is always on here and is accompanied by five constantly changing guest ales. On this occasion, in addition to the previously mentioned ‘Wobbly Bob’ from the Phoenix brewery which is an overly sweet ale at a brain numbing six percent, the following were also present: Nervous Turkey (Ossett), Pendle Witches Brew (Moorhouses) and a porter from Liverpool Organic that I can’t remember the name of. All were in excellent condition. There was also a sort of coiderrr on draft. I say ‘sort of’ because it tasted like nothing on earth. It was called ‘la Cantina’ and according to Frankie, is an Italian Scrumpy ! I can’t find any mention of it on the world wide interweb though, so being an old cynic, would have to place a question mark over it’s provenance. It tasted like crushed ‘Granny Smith’ apples combined with stewed socks and possibly tincture of goblin’s arse-crack sweat. Not for me, that one I’m afraid ! This is a fantastic and totally unique pub though, it has to be said. Where else can a chap avail himself of the very best in gentleman’s grooming and then enjoy a couple of pints of top-notch real ale in the same establishment ? Nowhere – that’s where. I suppose it’s ironic then, that one of the best pubs we’ve visited on the Chester Beer Project isn’t even in Chester. And to think that due to the vagaries of Merseyrail, we very nearly didn’t get there in the first place. It was a very close shave to be honest. What ?

No. 116 The Belgrave Hotel

Visited on 17/11/11. After ‘the Westminster' (No. 115), we continued up City road to this place. Again, the building probably dates from the mid to late 19^th century, but if anything it needs even more renovation work doing on it than it’s slightly more upmarket near neighbour. I get the impression though, that it’s operating quite happily as a cheap boarding house for travelling labourers and tourists on a budget. It’s got a public bar (hence our visit) and this time there were even some people in it. Well, sort of. On to the ale then. We were shocked to discover that there wasn’t a fine selection of cask ales from local microbreweries or a range of craft keg and bottled ales from around the world. Once more it was Tetley’s then, but this time ‘smoothflow’ rather than straightforward keg. It tasted of absolutely nothing whatsoever and therefore represented a considerable improvement in quality compared to the ale in ‘the Westminster’. In the bogs, the décor of which is a fine example of the 1960s DIY school of design, a bloke spoke to me in Klingon then fell over. Back out front we had a little chat with the landlady who was very friendly. She guessed we were into real ale and recommended we visit the Pied Bull (No. 86). Which was nice of her.

No. 115 The Westminster Hotel

Visited on 17/11/11. Just across City road from ‘the Queen’ (No. 114) lies this 19^th century commercial hotel that ‘oozes olde worlde charm’ apparently. That means ‘it’s a bit shabby’ then in plain English. Yes I know it’s probably a great  value hotel with friendly staff and is ideally situated for tourists seeking to explore the wondrous roman city of Chesterville blah-di-blah-di-blah etc. And I know we shouldn’t be reviewing it as a pub because it isn’t one. However, it does have a public bar, so it sort of qualifies. Sort of. On to the ale then. Real ale isn’t served here, so we had to drink keg - Tetley bitter to be precise. And what an interesting experience it was. It tasted of loose change, earwax and hamsters – as bizarre as it was repulsive. We drank it though – all sat round a table in the middle of an empty dance floor while some reality TV crap played on a wide-screen telly. Nobody else was there. We then decided to explore the place a bit and found a fantastic old(e) gentleman’s smoking room at the rear of the groundfloor which still had it’s original fittings, including an ornate gold radiator. This room was empty too. It felt like we were burglars in a stately home. I reckon this place has been decorated three times – once when it was built, once in the 1980s and once since then - the final effort simply consisting of a 'toning down' of some of the ‘80s ‘new romantic’ extravagances by lashing fuchsia* paint over all the main walls. It’s truly odd. Would I ever stay here ? Absolutely. It’s got far more character than the dreary Travel Lodges and Premier Inns that are taking over Chester. Would I ever drink here (again) ? No chance whatsoever.

* If I had the job of showing prospective guests around this hotel I would make a point of highlighting the décor by using the phrase “This is the fuchsia !”

No. 114 The Queen Hotel

Visited on 17/11/11. I’m not really sure what phrase best describes this rabbit warren of a Victorian hotel opposite Chester station - ‘buffed up faded grandeur’ maybe. In other words, it's been recently renovated but not to the highest of standards. It’s functional I guess. Certainly not dilapidated, but far from luxurious. And it retains a certain charm I suppose. ‘Darwin’s Waiting Room’ is the name of the public bar and real ale is served – on this occasion Weetwood Cheshire Cat and Eastgate ale. Each was lifeless and slightly tainted - typical traits of ale that's been hanging around too long I'm afraid. They were charging four English pounds per imperial bleedin’ pint of each an' all. That’s expense account pricing I reckon. Don’t think any locals drink here. Just corporate types, tourists, race-goers, wedding guests, bloggers, loggers and doggers.