No. 73 The Frog & Nightingale

Visited on 18/8/11. Formerly the ‘Lock, Stock & One Smoking Barrel’ then more recently ‘Evergreens’, this pub in it’s current tired manifestation is a pale shadow of what it once was. I quite like it. It’s about the size of a small aircraft hangar, but is decorated in a more spartan manner. When we got there it was completely empty. A few minutes later, two women burdened with shopping walked in – and immediately walked out again. A tramp then arrived and sat in a corner on his own. Remarkably, for a pub in such a sorry state, three real ales were on (Greene King IPA, Bombardier, Adnams Broadside) and they were all in really good nick. The barman was a nice fella too. He said the place was about to get a refurb. It’ll probably ruin it.

No. 72 The Railway Arms

Visited on 18/8/11. For the third and final time we tried to gain entry to this enigmatic pub and for the third and final time we failed. On previous occasions we were simply too late to catch the 8:20pm (!?) last orders bell, but this time it was obvious the place had closed for good. The nearest we came to getting a bevy here was back in early April when we found the door locked but then peered between the curtains to see the landlord was still there. We banged on the window and after first of all making a comedy attempt to hide behind the bar, he came out and told us to go away. No such fun this time though. It was all locked up and in scrawled writing on the blackboard next to the door is the message:  “That’s all folks – see you in the Bridgewater”. Elvis has most definitely left the building. 

CBP on tour No. 2 The Wirral

Visited on 11/8/11. It’s not that we’re bored with Chester or anything – we’d always planned to do a few trips outside the conurbation, particularly on balmy evenings when the pleasant exertion of a bike ride combined with the quaffing of a few pints of refreshing real ale provides the perfect summertime drinking experience.

And so it was that we got off the train at Hooton station in full wet weather gear, mounted our velocipedes and headed out into the drizzle. 

Raby: The Wheatsheaf (The Thatch)

Concealed within a maze of country lanes, this place in many ways is the quintessential English country pub. It’s a 16^th century building with a thatched roof (hence the nickname) and inside it’s barely been altered since it was built. In recent years a restaurant has been added, but this is in a separate building – a converted cowshed cleverly linked to the original pub via a sort of anteroom. It means the character of the pub is preserved and drinkers are insulated from the smell of food and the noise of diners. Flippin’ ace. An impressive range of nine real ales is on offer including beers from the Brimstage brewery which is just down the road. We went for the Trappers Hat and the Tetley bitter, both of which were excellent. Everything about this place is outwardly perfect – but it’s not quite right. It was busy, but the clientele are exclusively ancient. Everyone is middle class. Everyone is civilised. This pub has been gentrified. I remember some riotous nights here in days of yore, but now it’s about as animated as the House of Lords. And that’s a bit of a shame. 

Willaston: The Pollard Inn

The drizzle had become mizzle, but we had the wind behind us. In no time at all we were in Willaston, standing at the bar in Pollards, dripping with rainwater and steaming with sweat – an unseemly sight and enough to put the average gastronaut off their haunch of venison with red currant jus. Nobody complained mind. Despite appearances and in contrast to the Thatch, this place has only been in business for about 25 years. It’s a sort of mid to low-end identikit gastro pub, with the emphasis very much on the gastro. To be honest, it’s more of a restaurant with a bar in it than a pub. The ales from Theakston & Caledonian were ok – quaffable but run of the mill. Uniformed bar staff an’ all. As soon as we dried out we left.

Childer Thornton: The White Lion

This famous real ale sanctuary on the edge of Ellesmere Port was packed when we arrived. In fact we only just managed to find a table over which to drape our wet gear. Once again, we found ourselves in the middle of a pub quiz. Once again, we were the youngest people in the pub. It’s a very nice place though, it has to be said – very traditional and very well run. A range of mainly Thwaites real ales are available and ‘hop beasts’ that we are, we homed in on the Triple C – a sort of light IPA – citrus and aromatic, with a flat underside. Quafftastic. The quiz team at the next table seemed quite proud of the fact that they finish bottom every week – so we helped them out with a few wrong answers, which they very much appreciated. We’d have stayed to share their booby prize of a packet of pork scratchings, but further hostelries awaited…

Childer Thornton: The Halfway House

This place was originally an 18^th century coaching inn and is so named because it lies exactly half way between Birkenhead and Chester. It’s another one of those places that offers a ‘time warp’ experience when you walk in. This is mainly because there’s been no modern makeover to obscure it’s past and it’s history still hangs heavy in the air. I love places like this. It was my favourite pub of the night. We were drinking with ghosts. We were drinking fairly rubbish ale with ghosts though, to be perfectly fair – Wychwood something or other – all their ales taste like variants of Hobgoblin to me, as if they use Hobgoblin as a sort of base ale and just add other stuff. Great pub though - they had other ales on - we just didn't try 'em. As we left, I’m sure I heard the clatter of horse’s hooves on the cobblestones. I looked round and there was nothing. Nothing apart from the gurning faces of the rest of the CBP that is.

Hooton: The Chimneys

This is a big old building on Hooton crossroads – with chimneys. Despite the distinctive external architecture, the interior is classic ‘art pubco’ circa 1990s – dark stained pine architraves, brass handrails and dull carpets. Apparently it’s got a decent reputation for both ale and food, but at 10:30 on a Thursday night, we probably didn’t catch it at it’s best. It was practically empty and the uniformed bar staff seemed bored and looked as if they wanted to knock off. The ale quality was a bit mixed an’ all – something horrible that nobody can remember (this is top notch ale reviewing folks !) and Timothy Taylor’s Golden Best, which was actually really good. We necked it and left anyhow. There then followed another highlight of the evening – the rain had stopped.

Back to Chester next week folks. Stay tuned.

No. 71 The Dee Miller

Visited on 28/7/11. It was dark now. We were navigating by using the stars. If we were hoping for a warm and welcoming light as we approached ‘the Dee Miller’, we were to be disappointed. It was dark outside as we locked up the bikes and it grew even darker as we walked through the door. Jesuz, what a gloomy hole. A few lads were playing pool in the back of the pub and in the front a disco was playing to an empty room. The landlord looked bored but was in no mood for conversation – possibly because our opening gambit was an enquiry as to why he didn’t bother doing real ale. At least the severe coldness of the keg disguised it's lack of taste. All in all, I think I’d rather drink in The Beehive (No. 23) – and that's shut.

No. 70 The Bear's Paw

Visited on 28/7/11. From ‘the Egerton’ it was up the hill, round the corner, through the estate, into the cul-de-sac, out of the cul-de-sac around the mulberry bush and along the lane to this place, our next stop on the Upton ‘grande boucle’. Despite being tucked away in the middle of God knows where, ‘the Bear’s Paw’ is another big pub – and yet again, it was absolutely packed. I dunno, maybe it’s packed every night, but the reason most people were there on this occasion was to take part in what is clearly a popular pub quiz. We reckon there were over a hundred in there – and not one of them under the age of forty five ! “Shushhhhh” “…WHAT IS PYROPHOBIA THE FEAR OF ? …THAT WAS QUESTION 73, WHAT IS PYROPHOBIA THE FEAR OF ?” * The tension was palpable, whatever that means. I was scared to get my mobile phone out for fear of being branded a cheat – and we weren’t even in the quiz ! I tell you what though – we certainly made sure we ‘qualified’ for the free butties. Very nice. Real ale is available here – Greene King Abbott or IPA and it was OK ish without being particularly inspiring I suppose. Still, it was good to see so many people out even though they were arguing about the shape of the Nepalese flag and asking for plus or minus an inch on the circumference of an association football. If I’m not mistaken there was more than a whiff of ‘Hai Karate’ in the room as well with maybe even a hint of ‘Blue Stratos’ !

* Pirates – get it down !

[Phoenix Nights for the uninitiated]   

No. 69 The Egerton Arms (Bache)

Visited on 28/7/11. From ‘the Frog’ it was a short ride down the hill to the Egerton Arms, where the current management appears to be hell bent on transforming what used to be a half decent boozer into a glorified fast-food outlet. The massive fan-shaped menus placed in the centre of every table are clearly designed to convey the message that you really should eat stuff or leave – the ‘stuff’ being sterilised pre-portioned menu items prepared off site and then nuked or deep fried on the premises. You almost feel uncomfortable just having a pint to be honest. And the ale’s nothing to write home about either – once more the ubiquitous ‘fast cask’ and flavourless Marston’s EPA (Extremely Poor Ale) was the only real ale on offer. Were there any positive aspects ? Well the staff were all very polite, it must be said. I feel sorry for them really, having to work in such a soulless place. Next…  

No. 68 The Frog

Visited on 28/7/11. Blimey, Upton’s posh. The bits we cycled through were anyway – but that’s not really reflected in the pubs, which by and large are ordinary unpretentious community locals, ‘the Frog’ being a good example. Despite having many of the trappings of a rather tired formula ‘PubCo’ pub, it’s got a few things going for it as well. For a start, it’s a nice 1930s building and the inside is well designed, spacious and tidy. It’s obviously popular and was busy when we arrived. Most importantly though, it does decent ale – on this occasion Weetwood Cheshire Cat – the old ‘Tarporley tonsil tickler’. You might want to use that in your branding Mr. Weeto if you’re looking in. Or maybe you won’t. Anyhow, we were enjoying a round in the rather pleasant beer garden and noticed that from the back the pub looks like it was once a railway station. Was this actually the case pre Dr. Beecham maybe ? Who knows ? Who cares ? Well, obviously we do or I wouldn’t have mentioned it. These things are important. As we walked back through the pub to get to the main road, I couldn’t help noticing the landlady had a bit of a miserable gob on [can I get away with that Ed ?]. Lord knows what was up with her. Maybe something to do with the fact that the pub’s up for sale. Maybe not. It would be a good one for somebody to buy and convert into a free-house though, surely. Doesn’t need much doing to it. Maybe it was just the lease that was being advertised. Bleedin’ hell, I can’t be certain. Watch this space.